Teenagers are hilarious!

So, in case you missed the job change, I went from working with adults with developmental disabilities to my chosen field of Educational Assistant. I am currently working in the local Jr High. And note to self, teenagers are hilarious!!

First, they are in a hormone fog that makes them slightly delirious! A whiff of Axe or DKNY and they are right off the rails! They make me laugh, walking down our grade 9 hall is like walking into Macy's at Christmas.... at any one moment you can smell no less that 100 different kinds if cologne and perfume. Its not for the faint of heart or those with allergies. You'll be in anaphylactic shock before you take 10 steps!

Secondly, they are always sneaking something.... they remind me of puppies. Sneaking their ipods or their cells, passing notes or sneaking off to snog around the corner of the lockers! or my favorite is when the girls sneak their locker mirrors to monitor the hair and makeup during reading period. Truly a must have skill ;) We have a rule of no beverages but water in the class, so every now and then you hear the tell tale sound of a pop can opening. OY! what are they thinking, you ask? Refer to the first point, its hormones! they can barely breath at this stage of their lives... honestly, I feel sorry for them.... its hard to be a teenager.

But what truly makes them hilarious is their view on things.... I, apparently, am cool because I know things like how to spell Albert Einstein or Obama, honestly 0_o ... and I can name the trailer park boys, and get the BAM! Peanut and Jam joke (thanks to my lovely friend Twink), I've seen Jackass and I know who 50 Cent, Drake and Nicki Minaj are! I have facebook, twitter and a blog. HA! If that's all it takes to make me cool, I'm in! The best thing is that they are amazed I have a life, and house, a husband and kids :) Its like they never knew those things existed for educators. LOL. The kids always seem to be interested in what I did over the weekend and how my kids are. One student asked me how old my son was and when I said 8, she started to giggle and asked me if I was a teen mom like on tv! BAHAHAHA! Oh bless her little heart, she seemed quite surprised to find out I was 23 when Josh was born. I'm also cool because I love Star Trek and Star Wars, and because I know the actors' real names :) It obviously doesn't take much to be cool in teenagers eyes!

I enjoy their company and take a genuine interest in their lives, I have some I worry about like my own kids and have spent sleepless nights pondering what they are doing.... I love that they find me during the day to ask me questions or seek me out for advice on mascara or hairdo's. For some reason they are under the impression that I have great hair, when in reality, those girls have better hair then I could possibly ever dream of having. Wash and wear is just not a hair style.

I am truly thankful that I love my job. It is rewarding and challenging, hard work and super fun and exhausting! Now that I have almost mastered juggling both jobs, my kids and my Asian, I will have more time to blog! YAY

Happy Sunday my friends! Enjoy your week!

Angie the Great xox

killing me slowly....

It's been a trying couple weeks.... The Princess Wong got tonsil infection. It was sent from Hell wrapped up in a marvelous sparkling pink box and a wonderful shiny bow. It was hand delivered by some Hell Hound to my darling toddler, who in her small little hands promptly opened the box and unleashed the vile and nasty demon virus into her tiny body. It started with rosy cheeky and a fever and in less time than I can drink a bottle of wine, was a full blown raging beast!!

So it was a week of hysterical crying, 4 bottles of infant Advil and Tylenol and 3 trips to the Emergency room. Not to mention, 2.5 days off of work (let me tell you how that happy my boss was! Employee of month for shit sure!!) and 3 near hysterical phone calls to my own mother. Even mothers need their mothers, so stop judgin' a sister! I slept on average, 3 hours per night. By Saturday, I was sure Death was sitting at my kitchen table, drinking my coffee and patiently waiting for my heart to stop. I'm not kidding, I saw that guy! Add into the frenzy my slightly rowdy 8 year old who seems to need to be in perpetual motion at all times, and his never ending sports!! MY KIDS ARE KILLING ME SLOWLY!!

And my Asian who conventionally works until 5pm every night. 5pm seems like a decent time to get off right?!? Right, unless you get off at 4pm "ish" then need to pick up the Princess & The Boy Child and rush home to cram food into both of thier faces and have the Boy in hockey gear for 5:30pm. Try tying skates with your very social baby running amok amongst other 8 year old boys. It's a stitch situation waiting to happen. OH! How about when Princess Wong very politely points to the locker room door and saying " Murmmle murmmle murmmle" and the very DUMB parent opens the door! JUST OPENS IT RIGHT UP!! And off goes my baby, looking quite pleased with herself down the hall, with her mother charging behind shouting "Someone grab that baby!!" Like honestly, who in their right mind opens a door for a non verbal infant?? You can't mistake her for a ewok, hobbit or even an elf.... she is clearly a toddler!!

Needless to say, The Wong Palace looks slightly like a small war was fought in every room in my home. We've eaten grilled cheese sandwiches 3 times last week, and I may have ok'ed the eating of chips for breakfast as long as The Boy ate an orange too. I cant recall when I cleaned the main bathroom and I pray that I have no company until next week!!

This week was off to a swimming start! Kids weren't sick! Praise Jesus!! Everyone was (note the was) sleeping through the night AND! we managed to leave the house on time on Monday! YAY WONG's!! (Applause please, it's an amazing feat of greatness!!) Alas, by Monday night I was drinking Neo Citron 2 packs at a time, Josh was coughing and grilled cheese and chips were once again acceptable food choices. Give me strength, not even A Glee Christmas CD was making me smile!! The Princess awoke yesterday with a running nose, and even The Asian is looking for halls!! Kleenex is becoming like gold in this house.

To make matters worse, at 4am this glorious morning I hear " Rustle Rustle Rustle.... Mom? MOM? Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom..... mom?? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! *breath* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" balls!!! Really?! and the "motherly" part of my brain says, Meh she'll go back to sleep.... * 5 minute interlude of WAAAA!!* I relent and get the wonderful cherub faced little gem, only to listen to her babble in my ear for the next 2 hours and try to open my closed eyes, kiss my face and tell me " Hellow Mommy" Believe me, its much cuter at anytime other than 5:15am. And just as my wonderful blessing for the Good Lord Above drifts back into the loving embrace of the Sandman, THE ALARM GOES OFF!!

And I'm up to start another day of greatness, eyes stinging from lack of sleep, a surly attitude and the sudden urge to give my comfortablly sleeping Asian a smack in the temple with a hammer fist!

Live Long and Prosper my friends, here's to a weekend of sleeping!! :)

to work or not to work... and small cute humans

I love working... I loved waitressing (usually) the customers, oh the hot rig pigs that tip $20 and drink like fish! The old men that have to epic stories, the sick feeling of messing up an order or the rush of the lunch or dinner hour, when you know the kitchen is in the weeds and salvation is waiting right after the fries are plated... I've been there and I love counting my loot at the end of the night and secretly mocking the newbie waitress (in my head of course) about her lame tips.....

But then I had tiny humans and fell in love with an Asian, alas I grew up. And with growing up you get a career! I loved working at the paper, yelling at Alice and the drama that surrounds most offices, the temper tantrums, the whining and inner office turmoil makes me long for the career I left behind to be stay at home mommy to Kalliope :)

So upward and onward I climb to start a career of my own.... no more Yo GAbba Gabba or Four Squares, forget the sweet joy of coffee and the morning news, or snuggling Kalli before her noisy brother wakes up, there's no time for watching early morning retro toon's with the boy child before school or afternoon naps....

Upon starting my job, i realize several things. Yoga pants and Star Trek t-shirts are not approved dress code (damn it, do my dress pants even fit anymore?!) Adult women with jobs are required to wear more than mascara every day, the just wash and wear look hair -do isn't so cool with out an toddler on your hip and I may have forgotten how to use hair spray (after I find the stupid stuff)

Then there's the child care.... we are just finishing our first week, and to be honest I secretly hoping there would be more drama in dropping Princess Wong off! But nope, even the first day, she is walks in like she owns the place and and makes herself at home. I get a half hearted wave buh-bye and she's off to destroy someone else's home. I hoped for at least some tears and a clingy NO MOMMY NO at least once or twice! Heavens, I've had her every day since her birth!!! But nope, alas I am forced to kiss my squirming toddler good bye and let another woman get her smiles and love for the next 6 hours!

Maybe next week there will be some daycare drama or my son will need me at school! Maybe the dog will get sick or the hamster will escape.... heavens, something somewhere needs to happen to make me feel like life will go on without me at home all day!!


Cheers All!! P.S. Eat your vegetables! :)

like raising a wild monkey.....

I love my boy, I truly do!! In some ways he's the best kid in the world. He's polite (to other people) he's smart (usually smart mouthed as well), he's kind and he's full of energy!! But sometimes, he's as dumb as a sack of wet hair. Now I know that its because he's 8. Eight year old boys aren't bright. His train of thought centers mostly in the action movie that is playing out in real time in his little brain. He is gonna be the X-fighter on the motorcycle flying 500 feet in the air doing a side superman stunt. And I'll be in the crowd cheering and clapping because seriously the hopes of him becoming a doctor is loooong faded. He's to high energy. His thought process is that of Evel Knievel's! Go as hard and as fast as humanly possible and worry about the road rash when you stop. Which brings to me to hard part. Raising the fool is like trying to herd cats!! It's nearly frigging impossible!! Most nights I collapse into bed and say a small prayer to the Good Lord above that A) I managed to maintain my sanity for another day and B) Josh didn't manage to break any bones. It hurts my heart that a good punishment for Josh is to sit idle and do nothing. If I choose to punish him in that way, I also must make him sit on his hands because 2 minutes into the time out he's making warrior finger puppets and is engaged in an epic battle to win the gold! FML! Just spank him you say! Sounds reasonable, break his little spirit, see if he can fly when you've crushed his little life spark out.... sounds easy, but upon giving Josh a choice of a spanking or a time out, he will choose the spanking. Why you ask?? " Cuz if you spank me then i can go back and play... if I have to sit still I get sad!" True quote, NO LIE! Try reasoning with that! LOL

So what is a parent to do? Well I'll tell you what I'm doing! I have a stock pile of wine and vodka for the rough days of parenting. And I have learned to cherish the moments when he's calm and mellow, when he's not hell bent on breaking his neck on a quad or the dirt bug. I've learnt that Walmart jeans rip just as nicely as GAP jeans and Quicksilver shirts are just as good to cut into pieces to wipe his butt in the woods(thanks for that tip uncle Grant) as the Joe shirt. He's sported more blackeyes in his 8 years of life than I have in my whole life. He doesn't care if his socks match or that his hair smells like quad exhaust. So if he manages to wash his hands for supper, learns to read and manages to make it out of grade 3 alive, and keep all his adult teeth safely in his mouth I'm pleased as a pig in fecal matter!! I'm gonna just hunker down and ride out the growing pains. Maybe pop an ativan once in awhile to add alittle woosa in my life!! :) God Bless little boys!!

no time for lace!

Ring...ring...ring.... Call from Chapman C!!..... shit balls!! 3 rings and its over for getting to the phone before the voice mail picks up, and tomorrow I will change it to at least 5 rings. At 5 rings at least I have some hope in getting my fat ass off the couch, outta the loo, away from the whiny baby and scrambling to retrieve the phone, wherever it may be hiding.

"Ang?" "Yes #4?" "I need you, and its important...." "OK, I'm in en route"......

Hang up the phone and start to toss on clothes, because a Moo-Moo (unless its 3 am) is not appropriate outer wear for an emergency! realize the only clean clothes are a hoodie with a hole in it and my homeless jeans. SHIT!! And my hair is in the extremely classy pre morning coffee look! Double shit! Bra, I need a bra!! Bra? Bra? BRA!! Damn!! Washing machine! All 4 of my fav's! Double damn.... wet bra? Ewwww or the laundry day bra!! Oh dear Lord above!!Hurry hurry hurry..... trip over the dog and the toddler, stub my toe!

Insert more swearing and frantic searching for a flip flop and I'm off to retrieve my #4 and baby Shalom.

Now why is it that every dang time there is a Cook Family emergency I am A) dressed in my moo-moo or B) missing a bra? I am noticing a tread here, and quite frankly I am not enjoying it. The last crisis involved me in a 8xl (i am not joking) t-shirt that I love to sleep in and yellow, blue, white and black striped pj pants,camping hair and of course no boobie holder! FML x 2 million Before that, it was my grandma's turn to have a Cook family crisis and I found myself in a Stars plane in a t-shirt, my laundry bra and sweats in -45 weather..... for 4 days!! Happy day to me!! Before that?? Me, with my hysterical child, in my moo-moo and of course no bra, knocking on my neighbour's door asking for help to remove a dime for his mouth! I am packing an emergency bag that includes a good book, a cell charger and a dozen bras because I always seem to be missing them in a crisis.

I'm a heavy chested woman, these ta-ta's need some control, some support, some love! They can't roam free, swaying and bouncing! It will be mayhem! And honestly, I'm not a free wheeling braless lady! There a time and place to be braless! At night, and early morning and that pretty much it! Unless they are perky little glorious boobies or they are falsies! And yet, here I sit wondering when I will be summoned again and if I will have a chance to grab a decent bra!

cranky babies suck!

I love The Princess Wong, don't get me wrong! She terrific!! When she's not breaking in teeth like some tiny human shark.... she's usually sweet and happy, smiley and giggling... unless there are teeth involved! Then both her and I feel slightly suicidal.
She has no patience for anyone in the world when she's teething except for my dad, and nothing will make her happy. She is currently tossing things around at her leisure in our store, because A) I can't take the whining and B) I need 5 peaceful minutes to be able to string together a reasonable adult thought that doesn't involve numerous bottles of wine.

The Princess Wong is perfect. But alas, slightly more needy that the usual 13 month old child. PW gets to much love! LOL We have waited 7 long years for the arrival of the Princess and she knows it. She arrived in this world knowing my whole family had watched my Chinscot and I beg, cry and plead to our Creator above for a baby of our own! So with that, the Princess is spoiled!

She takes full advantage of our love for her..... her perfect little blue eyes and her perfect little angel face is the start of our downfall into love... then comes her fat little hands and her fat little legs, and her little warm round body. When you hold her, you can feel all the weight of the world disappear into oblivion. Nothing can compare to seeing her little arms straight up in the arm like a monkey and her running to you, pleading with her little toddler sound to scoop her up and hug her forever.

But recently she's gotten a mouth full of gloriously sharp tiny white teeth! Dear Jesus Above!!! And with each new addition of teeth, a new attitude "improvement" is lovely bestowed upon my family. With the front teeth, we were blessed with the wonderful high pitched squeal and smacking. Then the bottoms we were introduced to the famous "Stink Eye" she gives when things aren't quite kosher in her world. And now recently with the eye teeth we are dealt with the "Walking whines". Each step a lovely grumbling/moaning sound escapes from her lips. Its a sound that is almost indescribable, one must hear it to truly appreciate it. Its one of those sounds that makes your ears want to bleed and (if you are a man) your left nut to ache. Advil and Tylenol are now staples in our home!

So if you are coming to visit, bring wine and maybe some ear plugs <3

my sisters have numbers......

Well, my sisters are an interesting bunch... I have my #4 and my #5, both equally epic, and i have my mini me. She's 8 and the twinkle in both my dad's eye and in all of ours.... we were all grown when my mini me rolled in and she's spoiled! She's like a tiny me, mouthy, slightly rude and extremely opinionated

.... frankly I blame her father, but apparently everyone else blames us!

my #4 is actually my 1st sister and my 2nd sibling, my #5 is actually my 2nd sister and my 3rd sibling... are you confused yet my dear blog reader? Oh! And i am #1! As I am well, Great and the first born! :)

now imagine this my friends, the paralyzers were flowing, the tequila was cheap and the bar tab was low. My sisters and I were doing what we enjoyed the best (when we were young and single) and slutting for drinks!We are a great team, and slutting for drinks was a epic past time :) We were in the bag, all three of us! AND, some ridiculous rig pig, with his hazy eyes and slurred words was trying with all his might to A) remember our names and B) take my #5 home... alas we began the epic Halverson saga of who is who... somewhere between the free paralyzers,the Jose and gladiators we decided that I of course was the #1 and the boss of everyone's life, then comes my foolish brother, THEN for some reason (I blame the Jose, those Mexicans are ludicrous) we decided our sister in law Froggy needed to be #3, and entering the mix at the end, my epic sisters #4 and #5! And thusly the names have stuck..... through fighting and yelling, tears and laughter, my #4 and my #5 are there.....

always and forever in the wrong damn order!! if you are lucky enough to have a sister half as marvelous as mine, you should count yourself lucky!! And even when I think my #4 is hormonal and slightly unstable and when I am almost sure my #5 is bipolar and hears voices I know that they love me and wanna punch me as much as I wanna punch them <3